Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Not-Quite-Champions League Special...

by Rick Nash

"Which brings me to a crucial point: In football handicapping, sometimes it just isn't your year. I can't get a feel for the 2013 season. Every time I think I have a team figured out, it double-crosses me. Every time I need a break with a late-game cover, I don't get it. It's been a comedy of errors."
- Bill Simmons

I know how he feels. For the past few weeks, as well as being ridiculously busy, I'll admit to being gun shy. Unlike Simmons, I'm not a television personality and chief editor of one of the biggest sports websites on the planet either. I'm a meagre security guard/DJ by trade (well, trades, my job doesn't involve a hybrid combination of rhythmic theft prevention) and, thus, me losing money for the amusement of others isn't as willy-nilly as it is for the likes of Simmons.

Take this weekend, for example, when I got inspired and did a last-minute Twitter acca:

The rest, as they say, is history. Unfortunately it's less 2004 Red Sox winning the World Series against all odds history, and more of the Nagasaki variety, as after initial successful strides with the West Ham and Stoke games, the entire thing blew up spectacularly in my face with the one bet on that slip that even a layman like I should feel confident in.

So we're going to change things up slightly this week and, instead of going all out for the win, having a bit of fun. I'm going for the old accumulator favourite, Champions League Tuesday & Wednesday, low-risk/high-reward, €1 per night on all 8 games. This time next week, if even my more conservative Wednesday picks come in, I could be sitting in glorious, glorious profit. Or I could be down 0-8 for the year in one fell swoop.

Champions League Special Picks

Tuesday 5th November

Juve have found their mojo again in Serie A after losses to Fiorentina (!!!) and Real in the UCL, whereas Real have struggled since their Clasico loss to Barca and barely squeezed past Vallecano. Bet on Tevez to be the one consoling tonight.


Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Bayer Leverkusen - Shakhtar @ 13/10
Real Sociedad vs. Man Utd - Man Utd @ 6/4


Juventus vs. Real Madrid - Juventus @ 6/4
FC Copenhagen vs. Galatasaray - Galatasaray @ 13/10


Paris SG vs. Anderlecht - PSG H/T & F/T @ 1/2
Olympiakos vs. Benfica - Draw @ 23/10


Viktoria Plzen vs. Bayern Munich - Bayern to win to nil @ 5/6
Man City vs. CSKA Moscow - Man City @ 2/9

Wednesday 6th November

As impressive as Arsenal's 2-0 win over Liverpool was, Dortmund's 6-1 over Stuttgart was that bit better. And they're at home. So I'm picking them to do the double over the Gunners.


FC Basel vs. Steaua Bucharest - Basel @ 8/13
Chelsea vs. Schalke 04 - Chelsea @ 2/5


Borussia Dortmund vs. Arsenal - Dortmund @ 8/11
Napoli vs. Marseille - Napoli @ 4/11


Zenit St Petersburg vs. FC Porto - Zenit @ 6/4
Atletico Madrid vs. Austria Vienna - Atletico @ 1/8


Ajax vs. Celtic - Ajax @ 5/6
Barcelona vs. AC Milan - Barca @ 2/9

Rick Nash is a former pro-wrestler who currently DJs for hire, makes piss-poor sports bets and has a community radio show. Altogether, he's a real bum, and you should be ashamed of yourself if you thought this piece was in any way insightful or entertaining. But still, follow him on Twitter and stuff.

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